Embracing Our Doubts

Isaiah 35: 4-7a

James 2: 1-10

There seem to be days when it is easier to believe the promises of the Bible than on other days. When we read passages like in Isaiah that talk about our eyes being opened and the lame leaping like deer – we often have one of two responses. Sometimes we are comforted by such a message and then there are days when we are disheartened.

Who here has believed the promises and known disappointment? I think all of us would be able to raise our hand on that one.

Then we hear people say things like, “If God didn’t answer your prayer it is because God has something better in store for you. God has a better plan than what you could come up with.” We hear songs sung like, “Thank God for unanswered prayers” and we nod our heads because yes, there ARE times when we are grateful God did not answer our fervent prayer.

But there will always be times when we wish God would answer and we hear nothing but silence. There will be times when we are praying for Aunt Susie in the nursing home fighting dementia or Grandpa Ronnie whose diabetes has gotten out of control and has lost both his legs. There will be days when we are praying for safe passage for our family and friends, when we pray for the drought to end or the hurricane to pass us by and none of these prayers will be answered in the way we want and need them to be.

As faithful Christians, what are we to do with this knowledge? We know that not all prayers are answered. We know that sometimes no matter how strong our faith and belief in God, that what we pray for will not be what we receive. There are thousands of disillusioned Christians for that reason and sometimes we are one of those thousands of people.

Yes, even your pastor has had doubts and been disillusioned with God. We all have battles in our lives, moments that test the very fiber of our being and they are often the moments that test our faith to its utmost as well. For some, that fragile connection to God will break and for others it will be stretched thin but not broken.

Jesus had an interesting view on the subject of faith. He often told the crowds and disciples that it does not take very much faith to move mountains and change the course of our lives. But he also did not have a problem with doubts and questions from the people. He often seemed to encourage the dialogue with his parables and stories. Jesus believed that doubts were healthy; perhaps even a necessary part of our faith.

The reason it is healthy is because a person that questions what God is doing and not doing is someone that is thinking. A person that reads a line of scripture like, “and the lame will leap like the deer” and thinks, “I’ve yet to see that happen, is it really possible?” is someone that is analyzing and puzzling out what their faith means to them and to God. When we were children we thought and acted like children. We accepted what the pastor and our Sunday school teachers had to say without too many questions. They knew better than us.

Now that we are adults, we must think and act like the responsible people we strive to be by making sure that we never just accept what another tells us as truth. We remember that the Bible while inspired by the Holy Spirit, it was written by mortal men and women and was transcribed over and over again. There may be mistakes in there, honest mistakes but mistakes nonetheless. We remember that although the pastor has gone to school to help teach the congregation, they are one person and with limited knowledge and power compared to Jesus Christ. We cannot just accept every word a person says as Gospel Truth. It’s healthy to question and yes, even argue over our views.

When we take time to discuss the various viewpoints, we are giving God a chance to teach us more, to show us more about whom God is and who we are as His children. Let me give you an example. A few months back I referred to the Holy Spirit as She. Every now and then I do this because I know there are some people out there that feel women do not get represented enough in the Trinity. Jesus is male and we often refer to God as Father, but when God made humanity we were made in God’s image. Male AND female.

The Holy Spirit has often been referred to as Wisdom in the Old Testament, and in the Greek Wisdom is pronounced Sophia which is also a woman’s name. Some people get around using he or she for the Holy Spirit by using the word IT, but I find that to be too impersonal. When the person asked me about why I would call the Holy Spirit SHE, these are the things I told them. I’m not sure if the person approved or disapproved of the pronoun I had used, but I do know that because they asked they walked away with more information on why I had used the word I had instead of the one that is most often spoken. And with that extra knowledge they were better able to decide for themselves if the Holy Spirit was a SHE or a HE or an IT in their own mind.

Questions are a good thing. Doubt is a good thing. Do not despair if you find yourself questioning the Bible or your own faith and belief. Embrace these things because it is in the things we struggle with the most that we are able to learn more about God and ourselves. It’s not comfortable or an easy thing to experience, but these struggles really do enrich our faith.

A few years ago I met a friend who loved to argue and debate which worked out well because I also love to argue and debate topics. We spent our nights working in the seminary cafeteria and debated many theological issues. It was a growing and learning process for me because he came from a strong biblical background and I had not. I came into seminary without having read much of the bible and without having taken a single course in theology and God. He went to a bible college and knew more than his fair share and so we would talk and learn from each other.

One night, he brought up a point I could not get around. It was one we had argued over often, but this night his argument hit me square in the heart and I found myself struggling with doubts. As I was walking home, I looked up at the stars and tears were streaming down my face. I remember saying to God, “If this is the way it is, I’m not sure I can be a pastor because this hurts to believe.” I struggled and struggled with this issue for months. I wrestled with God like Jacob had wrestled with God and I wasn’t sure who was winning.

Finally, God and I came to an agreement. I realized that no one knows everything about God and although it is possible that I was wrong in my belief, no one would be hurt by my belief. God helped me to understand that the most important part of my faith is not about everyone’s views aligning perfectly with my own, but that I make sure to be open to other’s views. I make sure to respect an individual’s beliefs even if they are vastly different from what I believe because only God knows why they believe that. It is not our place to judge, and all we can hope is that others will be as kind and tolerant of us.

It was a good lesson to learn. It was also an extremely hard one that caused me many sleepless nights and confused days. But my faith is stronger for the questions and doubts, for the struggles and pain. Yours will be as well. Do not hide your doubts; do not run away from your questions. There are answers out there. Not always easy ones and not always pleasant, but if you want to know more – God is waiting.

 

Amen.